Through the years since my diagnosis with Lyme disease, I leaped from symptom to symptom, treatment to treatment, and emotional upheaval to emotional upheaval. I felt fettered to the illness in ways I didn’t anticipate. My identity shifted from the me of earlier years, to someone waiting for the next symptom-shoe to drop. I found myself feeling lost and wondering, “Where is my peace?”
At the time there was no self-soothing practice. I didn't have meditation, deep breathing, or other ways to regulate my nervous system. I was walking around with an intact gale-force disease, trying to summon the person I once was. I would have days where I was in the future quite literally fearing death, so I would harness a few limited tools. Nothing worked. It took time to learn that my way of trying was at least part of the problem.
I realize that the contrasts of human experience, the coming in and out of ourselves, contain more learning because we bump up against something and then are thrust into having to learn yet again. That’s assuming we have a commitment to keeping our hearts open to possibility, which I thankfully do.
Years into my illness I found my way to Silvia, a functional medicine provider who had Lyme experience and the good grace to never say “You must . . .” While Silvia helped peel back numerous manifestations of the disease that others had not, I still felt unhinged. On our last visit, prior to her departure from the medical group, I asked if she believed I would benefit from brain retraining and nervous system toning; she enthusiastically agreed this was the right next step.
I began researching, and learned that addressing the mind-body connection through nervous system regulation and limbic system retraining can make a world of difference in reversing chronic conditions (mental health, physical health, immune system dysfunction, and environmental sensitivities). Rather than believing symptoms are the result of my diagnoses, I learned that certain unresolved symptoms can be due to a maladaptive stress response wreaking havoc on my body. Another culprit was (and is) an impaired mind-body communication network, which has kept me from realizing what my body needs to self-heal.
Because subparts of the limbic system regulate important aspects of our conscious and unconscious patterns (including our emotions, perceptions, relationships, behaviors, and motor control) it’s easy to see why damage to this region can cause serious problems.
While my journey is still young, I’m learning the tools of self-regulation for optimal, natural healing, which means teaching my body to come into a state of balance and out of a habitual stress response. Part of this experience is finding and practicing presence.
For some who have experienced trauma, chronic illness, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, and so on, there is an occurrence that can happen where suddenly we begin to think (and believe) that we are a separate fragment disconnected from the whole. We feel lost and lacking. It’s as if we need to figure everything out and arrive somewhere better than where we are. We try desperately to improve ourselves and to succeed at being human. We fear death, imagining our bodies to be something separate from the rest of the universe. We crave what we don’t have and resist what and who we are. Fearing the thought-created specter of meaninglessness, we search desperately for meaning, and the more we search, the more meaningless everything seems.
And, we try to think our way to liberation, and the more we think, the more tangled up in perplexity and uncertainty we seem to get. We try to get rid of the self but can’t seem to do so. We try having a non-dual experience and then try to make that experience last forever, but instead what seems to show up repeatedly is disappointment and dissatisfaction, frustration, and doubt.
Rather than attempting to fix this, or produce some comforting new philosophy or some inspiring plan of action, can we wake up instead to what is utterly simple and effortless, the happening of this moment, just as it is? In other words, the bare simplicity of right here, right now? Instead of rushing in to provide a label or a conceptual description, can we simply be awake to the actuality of this present moment, in wordless reality?
Can we feel the desire for something bigger and better, or the urge to get away from what’s here now, and simply allow those feelings and sensations to be here? Can we hear our thoughts as thoughts and come back to the non-conceptual simplicity of sounds, bodily sensations, and breathing?
Thinking happens automatically. We don’t even know what our next thought will be. Thoughts pop up, unbidden – sometimes useful and creative thinking, sometimes mindless gum-chewing type thinking, and sometimes the me-centered, obsessive, confused, tail-chasing, problematic rumination that brings with it suffering and ever-more confusion: “I’ve ruined my whole life, nobody loves me, I’m a failure, the world is going to hell, I’m right and you’re wrong, you’ve ruined my life, I’m not enlightened and I probably never will be, how can I stop feeling anxious all the time? What if…? If only…. Maybe I should….”
So, how can we stop trying to figure all this out and simply come back to the simplicity of where we are: the sounds of traffic, the sensations in the body, the taste of coffee, the rise and fall of breathing, the cool breeze blowing in through the window? The answer may just lie in learning how to presence.
There has been much written about presencing and the power of orienting and vagus nerve practices. A common denominator for many chronic illnesses and the byproducts of anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, microbiome disruptions, and so on, is overactivation of certain areas of the brain that are in the limbic system. This phenomenon, in turn, tells the body to release an excess of the stress hormones epinephrine (adrenaline), cortisol, and norepinephrine. These hormones are designed to help us deal with stressful situations by increasing our heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels. This puts our nervous system in a chronic sympathetic “fight, flight, or freeze” state. When the blood stream becomes flooded with hormones, long after the “danger” has subsided, the nucleus of our cells, the mitochondria, is still signaling “danger.” This is what’s known as Cell Danger Response (CDR). It tells the cell wall to harden so it is unable to detoxify, absorb nutrients, and often causes an over- or under-reactive immune response. Because of CDR, it’s imperative we understand the basics of self-regulation, so the body can send the correct “I’m okay” signals and move our nervous system from a sympathetic to a parasympathetic state. The brain is a pattern recognition organ and can get stuck in this fight, flight, or freeze response. But it’s not our fault. The brain shifts to a trauma response, so the focus then becomes: How do we get the brain out of the trauma response?”
By giving attention to the actual present moment, we begin to see that there is simply this ever-present, ever-changing happening, that there is no one at the center of this present experience (even if it sometimes seems there is). We see that this endless unfolding never goes anywhere, for it is always Here / Now. The present happening is obvious and unavoidable, but at the same time, it cannot be grasped.
And we don’t need to grasp it. It is not something we have to “get.” It is what we are. It is all there is.
But how do we work toward a calmer state? How do we shift from stuck patterns of behavior to develop new improved neurons that are able to tell a different story? How do we signal a maladaptive patterned brain that we are safe when we are truly in a position of safety? My own solution has been a commitment to Primal Trust, a fee-based brain neuroplasticity program that includes vagus nerve toning, polyvagal theory education, somatic presencing and movement practices, trauma-informed processing practices, and much more.
There are, however, helpful actions and activities that can be done on your own to help the brain to create new neurons and regulate the nervous system. Here are just a few:
1. Garden!
"A garden offers the opposite of the disembodied uncertainties of [writing]. It’s vivid to all the senses, it’s a space of bodily labor, of getting dirty in the best and most literal way, an opportunity to see immediate and unarguable effect… To spend time frequently with these direct experiences is clarifying, a way of stepping out of the whirlpools of words and the confusion they can whip up. In an age of lies and illusions, the garden is one way to ground yourself in the realm of the processes of growth and the passage of time, the rules of physics, meteorology, hydrology, and biology, and the realms of the senses." ─Rebecca Solnit
2. Recognize what is present. When you’re able to acknowledge that you’ve been caught up in reactivity, you are on your way to improved peace of mind. It may even seem like you’ve been caught inside of an energy field, of sorts, where the energy feels like it is a part of you. Just by noticing, you’ve taken the first step toward extracting yourself from overreacting.
3. Recognize what is not present. The key to recognizing what is not present is by noticing that the energy has a place where it’s present and then a place where it ends. Out beyond the edge of energy, there is a sliver of calm and peace. The key is to recognize and then favor noticing this quietness that exists beyond reactive energy. Here is one simple orienting exercise taken from Dr. Cathleen King of Primal Trust that will help.
A. Sit quietly in a relaxed position.
B. Slowly turn your head in one direction and let your eyes wander until you notice an object to which you are drawn.
C. Notice it with a sense of wonder, as if you haven’t seen it before. Notice the colors, textures, curves, and everything about it.
D. With your gaze focused on the object, pay attention to the inside of your body, and notice how the chair or floor is supporting you. Identify a body part that you can truly feel and spend time noticing.
E. Turn back to the object, then slowly move your gaze until you find another object that catches your attention.
F. After a few moments, toggle back to your body and repeat.
G. Do this exercise for three to five minutes.
After you’ve taken the time to appreciate the vast quietness of awareness, gaze back at what was the energy. Most often you will notice that what previously engulfed you is now significantly smaller.
4. Enjoy walking in nature. A conscious, present walk can be just what the nervous system needs to reset. You can find presence at the beach, in the forest, or around your neighborhood. Begin by simply slowing down movement. Feel one foot after the other, gently touching the earth. Can you notice and feel where your body ends, and the earth begins? Explore with your eyes, ears, skin, and nose. What season is it? Does the air have a particular scent? What does it feel like when the air touches your skin? Notice the environment with a sense of playfulness and curiosity and become completely present with yourself and the earth.
5. I am here now in this. This is a breathing exercise gem I learned through Primal Trust that enables you to bring attention to the present moment. What are you doing? What do you see? Notice the details around you for 30 seconds. Be willing to notice your body, spine, belly, and feet. Breath in and say to yourself, “I.” Breath out (down to your belly) and say to yourself, “am.” Breath in and say to yourself, “now,” and so on (I. Am. Here. Now. In. This). You may want to do this many times per day (I do it 50 or more!). Over time, you can experience significant neuroplastic changes in your brain, as this exercise creates a biochemical change in your stress response that interrupts stress-signaling messages. .
6. Journaling using prompts: I am astounded at how effective 5 to ten minutes of journaling can be to bring me into a state of presence. Nothing scripted, simply write what comes to mind first. I’ve noted a few prompts here, however Googling journal prompts yields many options.
Is there anything you need to forgive yourself for? If yes, write yourself a detailed and intimate letter.
When do you feel most alive and free?
What encouragement would you give yourself as if you were talking to someone else?
How do you feel about yourself today, at this moment?
Describe a place of calming and healing for you.
What do I need to say goodbye to?
7. Emotional Freedom Technique/tapping (EFT): This is a method used to help manage emotions and troubling thoughts and bring you back to yourself (bring you to a state of presence). It can also be used to lower stress and anxiety, create a sense of calm if you're feeling angry, or help ease worried thoughts. EFT is also called tapping, because you tap fingertips on certain points on your hand, head, and torso. The points you tap on for EFT are like those used in acupuncture. Here’s how it’s done:
Think of an issue that's bothering you. This could be anything. For example, it could be something you're feeling anxious or sad about.
Measure how the issue makes you feel and rate how bad you feel on a scale from 0 to 10. A score of 0 means you don't feel bad at all. But a score of 10 means you feel as bad as possible. Write down this number.
Create a statement that describes the issue, followed by a statement of self-acceptance. For example, you could say, "Even though I feel anxious about work tomorrow, I deeply and completely accept myself." Or you could say, "Even though I had a terrible fight with my partner, I deeply and completely accept myself." Tap repeatedly on the edge of your palm, below your little finger.
While you tap, say your statement aloud 3 times.
Now tap on the rest of the points on your body, one at a time.
While you tap, state your issue over and over. For example, you might repeat "anxious about test" or "we broke up." Tap on each point in this order. 1) Tap on the top, center of your head.
2) Tap on the inside edge of one eyebrow.
3) Tap next to the outside edge of one eye.
4) Tap on the bone underneath one eye.
5) Tap between your nose and your upper lip.
6) Tap between your lower lip and your chin.
7) Tap beneath one collarbone (find the notch beneath the inside edge of the collarbone).
8) Tap under one armpit (about 4 inches below the armpit).
9) Stop and remeasure how you feel about the issue.
10) Repeat the steps if needed.
11) Tap until you can rate your issue-response with a lower number, or until you feel better and fully present.
In this simple wakefulness, open to whatever is here and notice that everything is included Here / Now. Even judgments and desires, even resistance and seeking, even the human mind spinning those familiar thoughts about “This isn’t it” and “I’ve ruined my whole life,” all of that is allowed to be here, and all of it is simply another momentary appearance, another momentary shape. None of it is personal. None of it is really a problem.
When presence is awake to itself, there’s love for everything. This unconditional love, this boundless awareness, this big bold open-hearted awareness dissolves hatred and ignorance. Not by condemning them or fighting against them or trying to control them, but by accepting them as impersonal happenings and by shedding light on how life actually is, rather than getting lost in thoughts about how everything could be, should be, might be, or used to be.
But the most important thing to remember is that waking up always boils down to right here, right now. It is never somewhere else or yesterday or at some future time when conditions are different or better. It is just this, exactly as it is; exactly how it should be.
Mary Daniel is a Certified Nutrition and Health Coach dedicated to the pursuit of good health, both for herself and others. Through her business, Your One Precious Life, she partners with clients and communities and in the spirit of collaboration, paves the way for health transformations.
Interested in a free health consultation? Visit: www.youroneprecioulife.com or email mary@youronepreciouslife.
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